Something Stronger

Over the weekend, any time I thought of Greg, I cried. Just his name was all it took to bring me to tears. I didn’t have to think about anything we’d done together, nor the love and warmth in his strong hugs. Just “Greg.”

Yesterday I drove three hours to Sharpsburg to attend a Travis Tritt concert. I was in tears so much of the drive, that by the time I got to Mt. Vernon I was ready to turn around and drive back home. But I didn’t. I stayed the course.

Then it got to the point that if I thought about Travis’ music I cried, for Greg loved Travis’ music. 

The gentleman at Holiday Inn asked whose concert I was attending, and the tears came when I said, “Travis Tritt.” The little waitress at Waffle House said, “Oh! Travis Tritt!” when I told her I was going to a concert last night. Again, tears. I told her why I was tearful, and she replied, “It never gets any easier, does it?” She must know someone who has grieved over the loss of a spouse; she might be twenty-five, if that old.

I drove to The Barnyard after lunch, just to get the lay of the land before time for the concert. Tears accompanied me there and back, and were with me most of the afternoon. If I concentrated really hard, I could stop the tears, but the merest thought of Greg brought them back.

Last Saturday was also an extremely tearful day for me, and playing Travis’ “Something Stronger Than Me” over and over for two hours slowed the tears some. I didn’t have that song with me on a CD yesterday, or I would have played it constantly while driving. And this morning on the return trip.

While the tears the past few days have not progressed into uncontrollable sobbing, they are still tiring. They leave me feeling lost in an abyss of weakness that I cannot remedy.

Even though sometimes I feel I lack the strength to battle grief and tears for the rest of my life, I do know one thing for certain – God is the something stronger I need every day of my life. I know He is all that has gotten me through the past two years, one month and six days since Greg’s death. He’s with me, no matter how a day is going, and He is the something stronger I will rely on forever.

God – always stronger than me.