Alone In A Bar

Almost. There is one other customer. He’s at the bar and I’m at a table. I did learn that he is a Travis Tritt fan.

I’ve had an enigmatic week. While overall I’ve felt at peace, I’ve cried nearly every day, off and on during the day. I can’t determine how many of the tears are caused by grief, how many are caused by missing Greg so much, nor how many are caused by loneliness.

Most likely, the awareness of just how alone I am has caught up with me. I’ve never had a lot of friends nor socialized a lot. I’m an only child. None of my relatives live nearby so I’m not close to family members.

Greg was also an only child, but he enjoyed socializing much more than I do. After we were married a few years, we basically stopped socializing. We wrapped ourselves in our love and became Greg and Joyce, united and inseparable.

Perhaps that was an error on my part. If I hadn’t avoided socializing as if it was a contagious disease, maybe I wouldn’t be so alone at this point in my life.

I’ve been thinking this week about how many people are gone from my life, never to return. Of my few friends, some do not live nearby. Others have so much to deal with in their lives on a daily basis that I feel I am disrupting their busy schedules if I call to chat for a few minutes.

So, I sit alone in a bar. I will be alone on my drive home. I will be alone when I arrive home.

Without my Greg. Without my anchor.

Alone in my life.