I woke up this morning with just one thing on my agenda: meeting someone to get an estimate on tree trimming. Other than that, I could do whatever struck my fancy.
Drive to Louisville. Shop for a new wardrobe. Go to a movie. Rent a houseboat for the night. Dine in the fanciest restaurant around. Spend hours in a bookstore. Walk through a state park.
Whatever I wanted to do.
I don’t have to answer to anyone about anything I might or might not decide to do. No one is expecting a phone call from me. No one is making plans that include me. No one is waiting for me to come home.
No one. But I am not free.
Grief is taunting me today. Telling me all the things I might have been doing with Greg today instead of rambling alone.
Driving down back roads. Sharing a Pepsi and M&M’s. Watching Crocus Creek flow. Listening to Travis Tritt’s music. Gun trading.
Oh, I could do any of those alone. But I could not face them today as Greg is not here to share these things with me.
My only responsibility right now is to myself and my cats. I can do most anything I choose. But I am not free. Memories and grief tie my days in fetters of sorrow, sometimes making me unwilling to do anything without Greg at my side.
Freedom is illusive.
Someone was waiting for you....I was, with the chicken livers for the kitties, who are waiting on you to surprise them.
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